Because you said that it was “a distraction”, implying it was unimportant that children had been raped, and that you were looking forward to us getting away from this “distracting” commentary about rape culture and back to more important things.

Because you claimed that people couldn’t pay attention to two things at once: both this rape scandal and other events that were happening in the news.

Because you didn’t even try to understand that for people who couldn’t pay attention to this gang rape and other events in the media, it was because they too were survivors of rape.

Because the story of rape survivors and the all-too-common victim-blaming they receive at the hands of the police in New Zealand being front and centre in the news doesn’t happen often here and when it does, it recalls upsetting life-changing experiences.

Because you didn’t understand that one of the things that often made these experiences all-the-more upsetting was the experience of not being believed, or being denied for political reasons or reasons of nepotism and impartiality.

Because your personal denial was both political and a failure to recognise potential nepotism or impartiality.

Because you had an unnamed “source” who was a friend of the perpetrators of the crime, who said that the “sex was consensual” and you thought that that wasn’t rape denial.

Because a discussion about rape culture is only a distraction if you don’t understand how truly endemic this problem is, and that every woman lives with the spectre in their lives in one form or another.

Because you were blasé when reminded that one in four women are sexually assaulted and failed to recognise the possible repercussions for them in your words.

Because you spread misinformation.

Because you never once gave a trigger warning.

Because your statements were a trigger.

Because you told me to look at the context, when the only context that matters is that sexual assault happens to one in four women, and is minimised, denied and blamed on the victims by our law enforcers, our judicial system, our politicians and our culture.

Because the context is not my ignorance, but yours.

Because you were unable to understand the concept that people say all sorts of things to defend people they love … sometimes even when they know, or suspect that the person they are defending may in fact be guilty.

Because you deliberately chose to say you were “playing devil’s advocate”, not seeming to realise that meant you were siding with rapists or that maybe we shouldn’t play devil’s advocate with sexual assault.

Because you thought that the young men’s statements about women were “teenage bluster”, and you failed to identify a much larger problem with your “boys will be boys” acceptance of their statements.

Because you thought that your statements were totally okay as long as you bracketed your main argument of disbelief and denial with messages saying rape was abhorrent. All while you denied the experiences of thirteen-year-old victims, by saying that it was consensual. Despite having no credible evidence.

Because you said it was consensual sex, even though the victims were children, and they had not consented, nor could they legally consent to sex.

Because you did not listen when female friends tried to tell you that some of your statements were victim-denying or rape apology.

Because you wondered what a “radical” feminist would think, and then ignored the very vocal feminists who were telling you your words were a problem.

Because you only listen to arguments that back up what you think in the first place.

Because in all your talk about helping children, you somehow failed to realise these rape victims are children, and you did not stand up for their needs, which are to be believed and to be helped.

Because you said most people weren’t critical thinkers like you, all the while failing to think at all critically.

Because this is not a media distraction, this is reality intruding.

Because rape culture does have serious long term ramifications for our country.

Because you denied it was rape.

Because you denied.

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